May 2, 2017 – Happy Birthday
Today marks 1 month since you came into this world. Little did I know that you would leave me so soon.
During the night, I could not sleep either because I ate too much food the day before and had a tummy ache or I was having contractions. I finally decided to wake up and time these contractions. They were 5 mins apart. Having a high tolerance for pain, I didn't call the nurse thinking maybe it would just go away. I started having chills to the point where I had to wake up daddy to help me up to go to the bathroom. As soon I as I got up, I was so cold and shaking so much, daddy had to get me a blanket and hold me close to warm me up. I was still shaking but really needed to pee so I brought my blanket in with me to the bathroom (I know tmi). Before I got back to my bed, the nurse came in. I told her I think I'm having contractions and that they are 5 mins apart. Because you were so small, my contractions were not showing on the monitor. For months I have been saying that I've been having contractions like how I had with your kuya Keanu but because I haven't been pregnant for over a decade, I thought maybe they were just ligament pains. Looking back, I believe they were contractions. With kuya Keanu, I had to take meds starting at 3 months to keep my uterus from contracting but the moment I was off, the contractions came back and kuya was born. Anyways, so after they tighten that belt on my belly really tight, they were able to see that I indeed was contracting. At that point, I was in so much pain and crying and remember saying "so I'm not crazy". Our wonderful, spunky nurse, I think her name was Melissa or Jen (reminded me of auntie and ninang) assured me that I wasn't crazy for believing I was having contractions. From there the nightmare began of an emergency c-section. For me, the hour I went through was so awful and I remember saying to myself ‘this is hell'. I guess a planned c-section isn't so bad but an emergency one, isn't that great. Once they determined I was contracting, they called the doctor on call. They gave a shot of something that was supposed to stop my contractions but it just didn't work, my contractions went from 5 mins to 3 mins then 2 mins. They decided to do a c-section. They transferred me to another bed and rolled me in to the operating room. I was still shaking as they wheeled me in. Daddy could not go with me as they had to prep him as well. Daddy called our family to let them know that you were coming. As I was in the OR, my IV was not working. Inside, I was so mad because I was going on my 3rd IV but poked so many times throughout the time I was in the hospital. Till this day, I still have the marks on my arms. Four different spots that I kinda hope stays, as it reminds me of that day. So I get another IV put in. They do the typical clean, shave..etc. all while I'm still freezing and still shaking. They gave me a blanket for a brief moment but had to remove it so most of the time I was just on that table shaking with only my hospital gown on. The time came for my spinal tap. So you have to be really really still when you have this done. With my contractions every 2-3 mins apart and shaking, it was so hard to do. The nurse that helped me was so kind. She had me lay my head on her chest. I was crying on her and holding her tight as the anesthesiologist stuck a needle into my spine. I was praying that it would work and tried so hard to keep still. I was so fearful because I had to have 2 epidurals when I was pregnant with kuya Keanu when I was in labor. I felt the meds go in and soon I was lying back down on the table feeling numb from the chest down. Daddy finally came in, I was so happy to see him. They start the process. Daddy was to the left of me by my head. My arms were like a T. I don't know what they were doing but it felt like they were removing my organs, it didn't feel good at all and I felt pain in my esophagus. I was telling daddy I was going to throw up. I don't think I did, just salivating. That was the last thing I remember then I passed out. I woke up for a moment, you were already born and they were trying to get me to see you. I couldn't see you too well as you were inside those beds for babies and being rolled away to NICU with daddy. Before passing out again, I remember feeling so relieved that you were alive and you were here. You were born April 2, 2017 at 5:12am. <-- Just typing that brings my heart such joy.
Daddy was telling me that he cut your umbilical cord. He said he kept asking "Right here?" I'm sure daddy was so happy to see you and to be able to cut your cord. He has a crazy 1st photo of you that I love. I'll ask daddy if he would want to share it. Daddy has been so good in caring for us since we found out we were having you. Just know, you would have had the best dad in the world!
Pops and Grams after hearing you were coming, must have rushed over right away. I think they were already at the hospital as you were being born. They were your first guests. You, Olivia, are their first grandbaby. I don't know how they felt but I'm sure they were ecstatic seeing you for the first time. Your other grandparents, Lolo Pogi and Lola were your next guests. Pogi in tagalog means cute just fyi. They brought auntie Regine, kuya David and Brandon. After Lolo and Lola went to see you, the doc said that you were sick. He told daddy that they needed to bring in the nitrous machine to help you breath along with the oxygen machine. Both were at maximum capacity and docs were hoping to ween you off if you improved. I was still so groggy when I heard the news but I told daddy no more visitors for us. Auntie and kuya didn't even get to see you that day. Once everyone left, it was just daddy and I and he was doing a great job of taking care of me in my room and checking on you every 3 hours in NICU.
Mommy wanted to see you so bad but just could not shake off the meds and slept for most of the day. Finally, around 5pm I had the energy to get out of bed. Daddy helped me get into a wheelchair and brought me in to see you. As he wheeled me into your room, so many emotions ran through me, excitement, nervousness, joy, love, sorrow, all at once. I got up from the wheelchair and saw you for the first time. I burst into tears as I thought 'we did it'. You were here and alive. You were so beautiful and so very tiny. You were 1lb, 13 oz. and 12.2 inches long. Never thought I'd see a baby so small, let alone see my own baby so tiny in frame. I just wanted to hold you close but I couldn't. I was only able to touch you and see you through the dome. My heart was so hopeful for you. Believed that there would be many days ahead of you and thinking it would be a long journey before we got to bring you home. As I stood there, touching you and holding your little hand with my finger, my heart was so full and was overwhelmed with love for you. That day you came into this world and little did we know you would change our lives forever. Since I didn't get to greet you when you were born..... Happy Birthday baby girl, our princess Olivia. I love you so much more than you'll ever get to know.